On my own

My upcoming move has got me thinking a great deal about me. Me as an entity. Me, without these safeguards that I have created for myself. Me without any of the armor or the safety net. And a sentiment of panic immediately takes a hold of me. As, I do not know who I am without my family, my house, my dogs. Which brings me to emotional dependency. I suffer from it. A lot of people do. But many ignore it or think it is simply the natural course of being. I remember a few years ago reading about Ashley Judd going into rehab for emotional dependency. I used to wonder what it was. Now I know that it entails needing others in order to define yourself. Needing to please them, needing their approval, needing their love in order to validate yourself, your purpose. But if you remove those people, who are you? Who am I without these people to please? Without these men that I so tenaciously try to attract (often to no avail)? Who am I on my own two feet? I want to find the strengh to get up and do things for me. Get dressed for me and feel good about it, not incidentally after a man looks at me. I want to build a home, not out of necessity but because I want to. I want to be happy with just being, not because I know I make others happy. This is about fortitude. It's about self-discovery. Clearly, I am a late bloomer. But it's never too late i think to make it right. Starting now. xox