Back Up

I have been giving a lot of thoughts to back-up. Back-up plans, back-up in love, back-up friends. I think it is part of human nature to run away from loneliness. To dread it, fear it and ultimately be a slave to this fear. Most of us feel insecure, unsure and to soften the blow, we hold something intangible close to our heart. For fear that our plans for the night don't come to fruition, we make sure to have another alternative. For fear that we might be alone forever or alone someday, we keep someone on the backburner. For fear that our friends grow tired of us, we make new-albeit less sincere-attachments. I have to confess that i have been guilty of this. I have made back-up plans (most recently for New Year because i was dreading spending that night alone). I have made back-up friends (although my friendships are, nowadays, something i'm very proud of). And i have had a back up love. I have entertained for all of my twenties the wild hope that i would be reunited with this guy that, against all odds, i care very deeply about. But as our lives are moving on, as he is moving on in a big way, i realise that i must let go. I must live with the fact that there's no security net under me and that i might, in fact, end up alone. Being brave is hard, but it must be done. In fact (i can't believe i'm about to write this) as i watched Beauty and the Beast 3D today, i was reminded that you must let go of the ones you truly love. xox