Vexed

 My mouth often gets the best of me. Certainly, it has the uncanny ability to get me in trouble. Ironically, it is also one of my best attribute, the ease with which I communicate. But in friendship, in love as in woe, my mouth has been at fault more than once. It has been the sword with which I have defeated many, have wounded others and have killed some. My tongue is pointy, and like a snake, the venom that comes out of it is lethal and poisonous. It poisons the mind, it hurts the feelings with its frankness –oft unsolicited- and it offends. This week-end I vexed a good friend of mine. I gave a very abrupt, unwanted opinion and I hurt him. Now, I value honesty above all else. And I said nothing that I’m ashamed of. But I need to learn to a) keep my opinions to myself and b) if I voice them, to phrase them in a less offensive way. I am quite tired of justifying everything that I do in relation with my past. I am a grown-ass woman and I am in charge of what I do, or don’t do. However, I am a firm believer that the past may explain how one’s mind works, how one’s understands and interprets. The way I speak, the reproaches I make –which are quite harsh- are a reflection of the way I was spoken to. All my life. It doesn’t make it ok. It doesn’t excuse what I do. But unconsciously, this is the way the words come out. Similarly, my friend’s reaction can probably be explained by something in his past.  I believe that people would be much more compassionate if they would take the time to understand a person’s motives. I was speaking out of love to this friend. Tough love but love, nonetheless. I hope he forgives me. If he doesn’t I can’t blame him. By being careless with his feelings and indulging in my need to put my two cents, I may have reopened deeper wounds. And compromised trust. Well, shit. Must keep my stupid mouth shut next time. And learn tact. Here's to improvement. xox