Warning signs

This is a subject that I like to discuss. If you are familiar with this blog, you know that relationships are both fascinating and frightening to me. They are the great enigmas of my life. I know that there are no secret formulas, no right or wrong. Rather it's about how you feel is right or wrong; what you will accept and what you won't. As the news of yet another of my older girlfriend who is going through a hard break-up emerged, I got to think about warning signs. As it stands now, I have three immediate examples of 30-something women who find themselves, on the cups of 40, single again or going through divorces. These women are fantastic and of course, they do not represent the norm. Many women and men are both in happy and healthy relationships. And of course, there is nothing wrong with being single or with raising a child by yourself. But I see a trend amongst my group of friends. Women who, in their 20's, settled. Now back then, they, of course, didn't think that they did.  But they were things. Not "the small stuff". Real problems, real signs that this wasn't right. One of my good friend felt no emotional connection to her husband. None. Indeed she couldn't understand him and he couldn't her. They spoke two different languages. She knew this from the start. There was this voice in her head telling her that it was not supposed to be this way. Now, it ain't supposed to be sunshine and unicorns either. But for her, being fulfilled emotionally trumps anything else-whether it be financial stability, friendship, admirable qualities. She needs that. And back then she knew she wasn't getting it. Yet, she went with it. Another friend lives a completely separate life from her husband. She is a professed workaholic and although i'm not sure, I suspect she has nothing in common with her spouse. And so she now finds herself in a loveless and quite lonely marriage. Finally, my sweet friend, who I've just learned is going through a rough patch, has been with someone who's culture and way of thinking is so different from her own that it finally got the best of them after all these years. Nothing comes easy in life and I grasp that. But you must know. You must know, whether you're 25 or 35 that a man who can't fulfill you emotionally, who differs from you so much in temper or who tries to impose all of his views on you, is not for you.

I don't wish to demonize one gender over another. That is not the point. And obviously, seeing as I am very much single, i am no relationship expert. I have settled in the past for things that I thought I deserved because I lacked self-love. There is a certain amount of bullshit that I will not tolerate. And if I have any doubt about someone's fundamental character traits I will ask myself questions. But more than that I'll listen to the answers. And I won't compromise myself. Not for anyone, not ever. xox