That cursed decade

A kind friend and reader sent me, a few days ago, a nice message telling me to enjoy my twenties for what they are-the good like the bad. She, having recently reached the threshold of her thirties, told me that the best was yet to come and that the best year of her life had just happened to be her 30th year. I was really moved by her message and whilst it calmed my fears for a moment, I still can’t shake the fact that well, things are blurrier than ever now. I somehow feel like I was less confused at 20 than I am today. Perhaps because I didn’t understand the gravity of things. Perhaps because I was more careless with my heart. Perhaps because the possibilities still felt endless and the consequences, minimal. No matter the reason, I tend to take fewer risks these days, to over-analyze every action or lack thereof and to always let reason, rather than passion, dictate my ways. Everything now seems much more dramatic-the consequences, the responsibilities; as if somehow, approaching one’s thirties had a finality. I alluded to it on there-and perhaps a lot of it is internalized-but, talking to my friends, everyone seems to be on the same page: there is this idea (or illusion) that your life should be a certain way by 30. That you should be living in a house surrounded by a white-picket fence, that you should be coupled up, possibly married, that your career should be chosen and that you should thrive at it. However, for a lot of us, this scenario is but something you see at the movies. We're out of long-term relationships who we thought would last forever, we are struggling to meet someone to start a real relationship for the first time, we are on the verge of serious debt what with all the superficial things we have acquired and our excesses, our careers are stagnant and sometimes un-motivating and we still have to deal with our landlords and our neighbors who happen to cook scampi a lot. When will things settle down? Many have told me that as you approach your thirties, a sense of calm, a certitude and most definitely a stronger sense of self dawns on you. I certainly hope its true. In the meantime, I will take my friend's advice and enjoy every frustrating and joy-inducing bumps and forks in the road I come across. But, stability, I'm talking to you-you better show your face soon, ok? xox